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Wake the Silence #5: Our Relations

By Elena Zhidkova-Rice


"Illustration of a man and woman sitting together at a table, writing answers on notepads, symbolizing a relationship exercise about love languages, moods, and honesty from the Wake the Silence series."
A couple shares a quiet moment, writing answers to relationship questions together — part of the Wake the Silence series on intimacy and understanding.

The Quiet Rules That Make or Break Love

Every couple carries unspoken rules — about gifts, moods, promises, even how we argue.

We assume we “just know” each other… until those silent rules cause hurt.

This week’s Wake the Silence turns those hidden rules into a pleasant game — a way to talk honestly without judgment, and maybe even laugh together while doing it.

How to Play

  • Choose a relaxed moment (tea, wine, quiet evening walk).

  • Each partner writes answers separately — no interrupting, no defending.

  • Exchange answers, then discuss with curiosity, not blame.

  • Look for surprises, overlaps, and new understanding — not perfection.

Questions from the Family Questionnaire

(Adapted from Russian psychologist N.I. Kozlov’s prompts for modern couples)

Love Languages & Gifts

  • What are my love languages (words, quality time, gifts, service, touch)?

  • What are the love languages of my partner?

  • What love language do I want most in this relationship?

Moods & Emotional Space

  • When I’m in a bad mood, is it my problem or ours?

  • What kinds of bad moods are understandable — and which cross the line?

Honesty, Promises & Betrayal

  • How do I react if my partner is late or forgets to call?

  • How does my partner react if I am late or forget to call?

  • What do I consider dishonest — white lies, broken promises, “I forgot”?

Conflict & Communication

  • During arguments, can we swear or use harsh words?

Why These Questions Matter

These aren’t just about rules — they’re about safety, trust, and respect.

When couples name their silent boundaries, they stop walking on eggshells.

They stop guessing.

They create clarity — and that makes love less fragile and more free.

Want the Full Set?

This post shares part of the Family Questionnaire I’ve been publishing piece by piece.

In my Wake the Silence weekly letter, I send:

  • Full sets of questions that don’t fit in a single post

  • Gentle prompts on how to actually use them together

  • Personal reflections on intimacy, loyalty, and healing

  • Practical ways to prevent silent resentment and build mutual respect

💌 If you want more tools like this — and quiet support for your own relationship — join the Wake the Silence letter here → https://www.elenaaromatherapy.com/subscribe-to-wake-the-silence

(Free, unsubscribe anytime)

Last week, I shared a small part of this conversation on my blog — six thoughtful questions about love languages and gifts. They’re a gentle way to see what truly matters to you and your partner when it comes to showing love and giving gifts. If you missed it, you can read it here → 6 Love Language Questions Every Couple Should Ask.

Next week in Wake the Silence #6

I’ll share good questions about Order and Cleanliness in your home — so you can stop fighting over socks in the hallway and shoes by the door, without turning into the “nag” or the “slob.”

Your Turn

Which question surprised you most?

Would you and your partner dare to play this “relationship game”?

Share your thoughts in the comments — I’d love to hear.

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