Wake The Silence #1: The Kids Know Their Mom And Dad Are not in Love
- Elena Zhidkova-Rice
- Jul 28
- 2 min read
Updated: Aug 2
By Elena Zhidkova-Rice
They Notice Everything
Children can feel when something is wrong — even if no one speaks about it.They notice the silence at the dinner table.They notice the lack of eye contact, the absence of laughter.They hear what isn’t said as much as what is.
Parents often believe they’re protecting their kids by staying quiet, but children are always observing. They’re learning what love looks like — even when love is missing.
The Silent Lessons We Teach
When kids grow up in a home without emotional closeness, they learn painful lessons:
That love means distance.
That marriage means performance and sacrifice.
That silence is safer than truth.
Later, they carry these beliefs into their own relationships — repeating what they saw but never talked about.
Staying “For the Kids”
Many couples stay in unhappy marriages for their children, thinking they’re shielding them from harm. But children feel the tension anyway. They absorb the arguments, the quiet resentments, and even the passive-aggressive silences.
They may even blame themselves.
A home filled with distance isn’t truly safe — it’s teaching children that emotional neglect is normal.
What Are We Teaching Them About Love?
We don’t need to be perfect parents. But we do need to be honest ones.
Staying in a broken relationship without acknowledging the truth teaches children that love means self-abandonment — and they carry that forward.
Psychologist N.I. Kozlov created a Family Questionnaire that asks hard but necessary questions about what children actually learn from our relationships. In my next post, I’ll share this tool — and what answering it revealed to me.
Explore More in the Series
This post builds on my first essay: We Teach Sex, Not Love — And It’s Breaking Us, where I explore why emotional education must start early — not just about sex, but about self-awareness and communication.
Free Guide for Emotional Healing
If you’re ready to start healing your own patterns and finding peace at home, download my free guide: 15 Oils for Emotional Healing + Weekly Rituals — gentle scent-based tools to calm anxiety and reconnect with yourself.
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